to be a consistent “I”

Eastern religion says I should practice non-attachment

New age philosophy encourages me to manifest the reality I most desire

You explain our only freedom is the attitude through which we view phenomena

As an idealist, integrating these often oppositional dictums into my already

Hyper-idealistic, fragile self-concept and mode of Being often collapses into

World-heartbreak, disillusionment with ME, YOU, THEM AND, all of WHAT’S IN BETWEEN

 

I want to Flow like it doesn’t even occur to you there is any other way

Sometimes I can, it feels like Me

To be consistent – a consistent “I” for you is all I could really hope for

But it is too late, you’ve noticed the oscillations, the disruptions, the ups and the downs

You remember ups like fiction, illusory and inconsequential

You instrumentalize downs like evidence, fire for self-importance

I, a measuring rod for which you can objectify your increasing perfection

 

The night before I was hollow in front of you

Stoned, I wrote on the bus about wanting to stay the same

At least for awhile

Long enough to make you stay

“I wish I could keep this up”

Followed by, “I wish I didn’t have to wish this”

 

I noticed you seemed to like it when I kept you alive

I noticed your vision for shifts is sharpening

But it isn’t sharp enough to realize that I can’t keep myself alive

Any illusion that I can is an illusion and I’m sorry

 

The particulars of unity

The fragments of the whole

You learn both simultaneously or choose to observe neither

 

It scares me to know you meet me everytime I do

I’m as surprised as you are

I used to change in privacy

Now you’re lying there, indulging

It’s dubious to find someone meeting you, new everyday the same way you used to

You still do

 

Like watching a collision, or a change in the cosmos, we can’t help but notice

We want to know WHY

And then try to forget

 

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