installing our metanarrative

And there, in the vast, hollow space erupting between us

We no longer speak to learn but only to elevate ourselves

Sweetness, evacuated – at what point I cannot remember

May briefly puncture the blanket of ego we have installed

But can no longer determine the direction of our actions like it did

“Love is a verb” which makes it wholly unstable

 

You, with buzzing self-confidence, explain to me all the reasons why I am wrong

Why my metaphysics don’t suit your indifference

As if I wanted such a thing

Or even thought it possible

Yet you knew before I ever could that is exactly what I want

And still, you carefully extract and discard our metaphysical communion

Like depriving an addict of her vice

You, like everyone else now

 

Wanting to feel understood

And more than than, wanting to feel you want to understand

And how could you?

Scientism numbs and explains for you and everyone you know

There’s science to defend, she can deal with that, she has to.

 

Call me when you’re on my side

If it’s ideas that brought us together it’ll be ideas which tear us apart

 

Love, I know, cannot be waiting to prove your lover wrong

Publically, I falter, privately I sob

I say I am hopelessly inadequate and you say I’m not, then prove I am

And then I prove that I am

And just like that, it achieves firmness in consciousness

The only certainty is the certainty that I cannot be enough

Flee, an antidote to grasping this.

 

Calculated, circular and critical

Your mind glazes over

I’m asked again to describe the central philosophical tenets

That saved my life now and then and everyday

And it’s not that I want to believe but it’s that I have to

If you don’t, that’s fine but please just know that

Objectivism can’t fuck you twice before bed and twice in the morning

Science won’t pet your head as you make sense of the crushing weight of your own expectations

Manufactured certitude can’t be yours and yours completely

 

They can undermine me because they are not home

I can undermine me because I am not sure

You can undermine me

You can love me

But you can’t love to undermine me

And you can’t undermine me to love me

This is how we crumble

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